Have you ever felt vulnerable to the point of complete and utter surrender.... ? surrender to all and everything.... it doesn't matter what anyone says to you in that moment or even that day .... it passes through you. it is in reaching this state that we have the ability to achieve our ultimate human potential. this is where real strength begins to flex its muscles.... the kind that leads you to ultimate supernova heights of existence.
Today was one of those days for me where I woke up exhausted....exhausted from life, it was like the past three years just hit me and how utterly miserable i have been for most of them. no doubt thanks to the tricky saturn transit in scorpio, leading to a series of unforetold events, and mishaps including a failed business, personal tragedy ... loss of home ... loss of money ... loss of support system ... loss of soul mates ... loss of an era. a collapse of the old and familiar.... ring any bells? i'd be surprised if it didn't ...
I have really felt my age lately and the 20th anniversary of oasis's roll with It being released made things hit home even more this week.... i'm 34 in this life, but in soul terms I am seriously ancient and that is what i feel this time around .... sometimes its like "enough already" with incarnating here. its like i have the weight of humankind's density on my shoulders without meaning to sound melodramatic.... to be honest many healers out there will resonate with this i'm sure, par for the course, always the giver and rarely the receiver, we really need to get that in check and look after ourselves more.... glad i reminded myself of that.
Now you may be wondering why i am writing this somewhat rambling and self-indulgent candid blog on my shiny new website... well it is precisely because i value authenticity and rawness in a human so i want to practice what i preach. this is no time for putting a brave face on, pretending all is tickety boo when a lot of us just feel like screaming, throwing our toys out of the pram and breaking free from the debris of the patriarchal age that has haunted us for so damn long. I'm beginning to realise that part of that age was indeed this sense of "loss", poverty and lack, breeding yet more dissatisfaction with our world. This we need to knock on the head right now if we are to survive here and break the cycle.
The trigger for my surrender was an exchange of words last night over text between myself and my soon to be ex-business partner. this has been a karmic extravaganza of an experience since last july and it is on the verge of being dead and buried .... i think that final push can be the hardest.... if it weren't for this interaction i wouldn't have hit full and utter surrender. i hate conflict, paranoia and mistrust... they are without doubt the cruelest shadow side emotions that serve to reveal our duality in all its glory. they have a purpose, sure, but wouldn't it be amazing to finally live in a world where the shadow was no more? haven't we been through enough in our umpteen lifetimes... surely the human race is ready to evolve to the next stage now? the long awaited shift is happening, sure, but i'd like to skip a step or two and fast forward to the promised land...wouldn't you? in a grounded way obviously, no good being away with the fairies, i've been there and done that and it don't work.... no i mean a place of vitality, love, truth, community, equality and wellbeing with fair exchanges of energy.
During this day of absolute surrender where i began to question my very foundations and what the hell is actually going on this time around, i received a timely email from a former colleague from a bygone era that reduced me to tears.... tears of utter gratitude at the kindness of their words and thoughts towards me. i was touched... there had without doubt been divine intervention to get this message to me. my old angelic comrades and guides coming to the rescue, where there is loss there is gain ... duality strikes again. it seems that i am indeed valued and respected after all and i felt it deep within my being when i read those words.
So it is with this reaching out from a member of my extended soul group that i have begun to gather the strength of being that i was born to live. a few oasis songs later .... (they take me to a place of safety and comfort, without noel gallagher's songs i wonder if i would have actually survived my teenage years...) here i am ready to go again on the brink of a personal revolution. live forever .... sure thing try and stop me ... feeling supersonic? you got it... seriously though how cheesy are some of their videos looking back at them on youtube?! still luv ya noel (and liam ...) thanx for ur music.
Loss is so last year.... thank goodness ... I now choose gain, abundance, love and prosperity ... bring it on....why don't you join me in my quest... after all it is all part of the masterplan.
I'll stop now ;) ... you'd think i was on commission, shame the band is no more....
I guess what i am saying is don't be afraid to reach into the depths of your soul and explore your vulnerability, it may just take you to places you never dreamed of, i know mine will. and if you are struggling with loss of some kind then know that it is simply a clearing out of the old energies and patterns that no longer serve you, making way for soul growth and all things new that are ultimately for your greater good and those around you.
Next up: My review of Champney's Health Spa Tring ... watch this space ....